Sexual Bullying (3 part intervention)

The following 3 videos show the highlights and progression of a pdxi intervention that took place over the course of 3 consecutive weeks with teenage youth living in a residential treatment facility. Cottage housing staff reported concern for bullying and escalating “sex play” of 4 older boys in a unit housing 11 residents. They were increasingly targeting smaller and younger residents. However, in just 3 sessions the intervention was able to derail and extinguish bullying and dangerous “sex play” that threatened the internal safety of the cottage unit.

The intervention shows the process of simultaneously neutralizing both the bullying and Problem Sexual Behavior (PSB). As you will see, these boys had no interest in cooperating with my “project”. However by the end of 3 weeks their sex play had ended, and the related bullying of vulnerable youth was no longer a problem.

As you watch these videos, keep in mind that my intent is not to change their behavior. Although I talk about ‘behavior’, at no point do I encourage them to change their given patterns or reactions. For my purposes, their behavior was a ‘hook’ or a topic for me to attach, connect, and bond. It was through the process of me joining and ‘slipping in’ to become part of their ‘inner circle’ (system) that change occurs. It is this act of ‘entering’ that in-and-of-itself is the ‘active ingredient’ that makes the intervention work. It is through my unexpected ‘aligning with’ their system that the inner circle changes. My presence turns the initial inner circle into a new and different system. As a result, this leads to a spontaneous shift in the group’s direction and outer behavior.

In the second video, I convey to the boys that not only am I ‘member of the team’, I even have the audacity to take over the position of ‘head coach’. As head coach, I even scold the boys for ‘not playing up to their potential’ and in an absurd manner encourage them to do better.

By the third video, (for some reason) the boys continue to refuse to participate in my planned activity. Without their cooperation, I inform them that the project is cancelled, but “I’ll be back when they are done with their vacation”.

See below (after the videos) for further ideas of what is the process that is happening.

To provide further clarity, the following are a some email exchanges about the above intervention:

EK: In reverse psychology the focus is on behavior. The therapist’s agenda to 'change behavior'.
So in reverse psychology, you say to 'go left' in the hope that it will trick the client into 'going right'.

In pdxi, of course behavior changes… However, the process of behavior change occurs despite the fact that intervention is NOT working on shifting the behavior… How can this be??

In pdxi by focusing and enhancing the alliance / attachment between the client and the therapist (and others - family, friends, etc.). By enhancing the alliance through ‘joining’ there is a shift in the ‘gravity-connection’ between client-therapist / client-family / client-teacher, etc. It is this shift in connection that allows the client to relax and feel included in a new way. This in turn, automatically results in behavior shifting its repetitive orbit.

From this perspective the therapist does not need a personal agenda to change behavior, since his role is only to enhance trust in a way that dissolves underlying and habitual defensive and guarded attitudes. In this manner, the therapist’s ‘agenda’ is to build or enhance trust by conveying acceptance and unconditional positive regard, in the here & now, in a manner that undoes the client’s sense of isolation and abandonment.

Question: But c’mon, DOESN'T the therapist really have an agenda? You certainly wanted those boys to stop with the sexualized behaviors! Also, where's the paradox in simply pointing out behavior?

EK: So that's another element of the paradox. I'm obviously there to implement change, but my agenda during the intervention is that I’m not invested in behavior change. Admittedly, it's a thin line. If I directly try to stop their sexualized and aggressive behavior, then I'm inevitably in a power struggle over their behavior - which ultimately the boys will win.

Instead my intent is to join and connect with them, by unexpectedly entering their 'system'. If I am able to enter their 'members only' group system, then my very presence in joining their group makes it into a different system. Since the system is now different that means that the behavior and dynamics of that system will shift automatically. No struggle. No fuss. No mess.

In the first video, when I simply identify each member on the chart, and then state the behavior they are already doing - with total acceptance - it seems like I did nothing, and nothing happened... None of the boy’s defenses go up. And they don't suspect anything... But all of a sudden, I'm part of the system. I'm on the inside.

In the second video, I take liberties, and go even further. In fact, I'm such an insider that I even take on the role of 'coach at the big game': "I'm disappointed in you guys. I expected better. I know you can do better..."

It is through conveying that I'm joined, bonded, and connected that we shift their experience of attachment. With this new level of attachment - I become a catalyst to influence change. The paradox is that - I don’t make change happen; I’m just a catalyst simply because I’m present. But throughout the intervention, I do not attempt or struggle to change client behavior.

Question: It seems that one has to be pretty creative to successfully enter and then shift the system. And if I'm not creative enough I can botch up big time. Like the sex offenders example; it takes lots of courage to do a thing like that to do the ‘coaching’.

EK: Right. I hear your concern. The only thing I would add is that - technically I do nothing. I don't 'try to change' the system at all. It is simply 'by entering the system' - that in-and-of-itself - my presence - automatically makes it a different system. Presto chango.

The kids are expecting me to struggle and try to change them and their behavior. But I'm la-ti-daa. You guys are good by me. Hey, you guys don't mind if I join your club… Right?!

Borderline Personality Intervention - utilizing Absurd Humor:

When the client denied any suicidal ideation, this opened the door to challenge her with absurd humor. If she had reported recent suicidal thoughts, the direction of the intervention would have focused on her immediate safety. Since her ideation was stable, this allowed for (seemingly) absurd and frivilous banter:

Video 4 URL: 4Pdxi Borderline Intervention 1 of 1

Couples Therapy: Prescribing the Symptom

As a form of ‘joining’, the couple is prescribed to keep fighting and that husband should take it personally. A few sessions later wife acknowledges things have gotten better, but she doesn’t know why. As it turns out, he no longer takes all her complaints as personal. Although he ‘got it’ and she didn’t, it created a more relaxed dynamic between them:

Video 5 URL: 5Pdxi Couple Therapy 1 of 1